Activists' Community

Hello everybody,

the team in our ward is getting more and more in NVRmode. This also leads to more parents being counseled in writing announcements.
Doing this, we have a few specific questions:
1. Are there specific differences in the announcement when a child has autism (do you make it more concrete or use other communication means) or don't you make it any different, since it is mostly meant for the parents? Does this diagnosis have any repercussions on the other aspects of NVR (eg use of sit-in)?
2. What if a parent has an illness which invalidates him/her in being present (cancer/multiple sclerosis) and with a negative prognosis? Does anyone have any ideas about writing the announcement in this situation. Do you elaborate more on installing a broader support network?

Kind regards,
Elfi

Hi Elfi,
I believe that one of the most important "by-products" of acting NVR is the enhancement of parent-team relationship in residential settings. The announcement serves also as a concrete tool for acting together. I'm delighted to know that you are using it more and more!

As to your questions: 1. I have no experience with autism but I think that the announcement should be very simple and concrete and the Sit-In a very short one. Also I hope that other professionals who used NVR in those cases may contribute their experience here. It may also be possible and to my opinion might be even better than a sit-in to consider a simple reparation acts done by an adult who invites the child to join him in that act.
2. As for parents with lethal illness we will strongly recommend that before making an announcement the parent should build a support network. The message that we will deliver to the parent is that the situation is such that it is neither possible nor wise to handle it alone. It will be very important, I would dare to say, almost critical, for the child to know, understand and feel that his parent is not the only one who cares for him! The child will know it when in the announcement the parent will mention the supporters, s/he will understand it when the supporters will act in ways that initiate not only resistance to destructive acts by the child, but also by supporters' acts that will initiate care for him (for example staying with him while the parent is in hospital). The child will feel that way if the supporters will be able to persist in their mission to help the family. This is an important message that should be announced to the supporters at the end of the supporters meeting by the therapist.
Hope that helps a little, we are in Passover vacation in Israel so sorry for the delayed respond
idan

Hi Elfi and Idan,

Elfi, I read your question on NVR and autism.

Like Idan, I also do not have experience in NVR with autistic children, but I did just finish a pilot project with Haim Omer, working with parents of high functioning autistic adults.

For that purpose we did some adjustments to the NVR methods which I thought might be relevant to your work as well.

- We didn’t do any drastic changes in the announcement. I do agree that the announcement should be concrete when dealing with autism. But we did find that a standard written announcement that lists the son's behaviors is concrete enough.
We did advise parents to add a sentence or two recognizing the son's diagnosed disorder, that they know he experiences difficulties. We found that some adults with autism (and their parents) feel that the son's diagnosis is a "free pass" to act in a harmful way. Such parental acknowledgement, in the son's diagnosis, makes it clear that the parents don’t overlook his condition, but still believe that their situation could be changed.

- I agree with Idan that the sit-in should be shorter, although I must say we didn't use it at all in our project (since the son was an adult, and not due to adjustments to autism cases).

- Referring to the son's difficulties in social communication and his concreteness, we added a tool to help parents communicate their message to him. We advise parents to deliver a unilateral message to the son, after he exhibited a behavior included in the announcement, or after he behaves in a positive manner.
Parents are advised to: (1) shortly describe the event. (2) describe how it made them feel. (3) how they believe the son might have felt. (4) how they intend to respond to such events.
For example, parents might say: yesterday you (hit your brother). We were (upset because we want to protect you and your siblings). We guess you were (mad because he didn't give you something you wanted). Yet, we will (not accept violence).
We advise parents to write down their message and hand it to the son, to make it more concrete.

I hope this was helpful,
Hila.

Hello Hila,

thank you very much for your response. Especially the concrete extra tool seems very usefull. In the case of the boy with autism however we notice that parents themselves are experiencing a lot of difficulty on staying focused on the announcement.So, I'm not sure if we will succeed in supporting them in doing it. I really hope it will!


Kind regards,
Elfi

Hello Idan,

thank you for the extensive response. As always you are a big support! In the case of a parent with a degenerative illness we notice even a changing proces in recruiting the father again as a parent in his daughter's life after already a long time. The parents are hurrying us now in going ahead! I would also like to mention that Haim's text of Enlisting fathers is also a big help for us in many cases. Fathers are significantly more present.
So, again thanks. I'll keep you updated.

greetings,
Elfi