Activists' Community

Hi once again,

Together with the educators we made an announcement for a girl of 10 years old.
During crises, she hurts educators (spitting, hair pulling, pushing, biting), she beats other children and she causes damage to the infrastructure (throwing chairs, breaking doors, pouring drink bottles on the floor or over clothes of educator,…) . She also uses bad words to insult people.

We put it in the announcement (We don't want you to hurt educators and other children anymore and we don't want you to cause damage to the things in the center.)

Now,the announcement was planned last week, but cancelled because 'the iron was not cold enough with one of the educators who was planning to do it). We rewrote the announcement and planned it for yesterday. Two educators tried to go in her room, but almost immediately, she ran away. This morning it was planned again, but the staff lost some motivation. They told me that "maybe this child is just too difficult to try NVR tools with, maybe we have to start with an easier case".

I was thinking that it is better to persevere and not to give up when it is difficult. Maybe to put a third one in the corridor, as advised with the W-SMS. But the team tells me that it is too difficult. They asked if one educator could do it, since she is not used to two adults coming in her room. They also asked if they could leave the letter in her room so that she can read it herself.
Could it be a good idea to ask a colleague of another team to do it, or to ask the head of the organization...

Getting some support from the forum, feels like the best action for me at this moment, because I feel resistance. And with some support, they could also feel that they are guided through it with the help of experience.

I also included the announcement. Feedback is more than welcome!


Best regards,

Annelies

Hello Annelies,

great to hear that you and your team are practicing with NVR like this. It's indeed a challenge to persevere and I find working like this stimulates everyones creativity to do so. So as you said, I think persevering is the key.
Putting a third educator in the ward was an idea I had also. I would also try triggering the girl's interest by, as you also suggested, asking one other member of the team (best someone who she doesn't see frequently) to do the announcement with an educator together. Or does she have a parent involved who shares the same concern, to ask to do it together with an educator?
If all else fails, I think I would suggest leaving the announcement (can she read? does it matter if she doesn't?) in the room after staying there a while with two people, maybe even reading it out loud (if she's in the corridor maybe she will hear some pieces).
Since the announcement is, as I understood, mostly an official declaration of commitment by the adult, making it mainly official for the adults themselves, this last suggestion is maybe a last resource?
I'm very curious about other ideas...

Many greetings,
Elfi

Thanks for this reply!
I'll discuss it with the team members and let you know.
Annelies

Hi Annelies,
I admir your perseverence and I think the ideas you had in terms of dealing with the many obstacles are excellent. THe announement is just a formal " declaration of intent", that the staff is united in resisting her destructive and harmful behavior, and its not a matter of how hard or easy a case is, on the contrary, we are often most effective with the hard cases! Remember, we don't need her cooperation in order to send the message that the behaviour is unnacceptable to all. I think using another collegue is a good idea since it reinforces the message that her behavior effects everyone and that the entire staff is united in resisting her negative behavior, also it neutralizes the more personal asects of the protest. Also, leaving the letter is also a possiblity, like elfi said, the announcement is more for the staff then for her.
Remember that the announment should be phrased in a way that the emphasis is on the intentions of the staff - like "we wil resist your hurtful behavior like when you hit other children or throw objects like chairs".
good luck and keep us updated!!!
michal

Hi Michal and others,

I took the reactions to my question on the forum along with me to the team meeting. It made the discussion very nice and interesting!
The team picked up motivation immediately and planned for a new trial!

This time it went all right.
Two social workers went into her room and started a bit of small talk. One unexpected difficulty came in though: another child entered the room and did not want to leave. The third one waiting in the corridor also came into the room to help. The girl insisted that she wanted the presence of her friend... Finally the other girl left.
When then, they wanted to read the letter out loud, the child ran away. So, as we discussed in the meeting, the two social workers stayed in the room and waited. The girl came back: "Leave my room...”. They decided to leave the letter in the room and left.

Against all predictions there was no crisis afterwards. They didn't see a letter torn into pieces or anything like that.
She also came to my office and asked me what it means that we will do things with the help of others. I told her that we can’t handle it alone, and that we will ask the advice of other people to get their opinion. If we have to become more strict on her, or if we have to be more sweet,... She answered me that she does all these things because she doesn't want to live in a center. I told her that we know that, and that we understand it, but that we don't agree with her aggressive way of showing it.
Her mother is now also more present in her life, which also plays a role.
And up to now, the crises drastically reduced!

Hi Annelies,
It sounds like everything went well (even the unexpected obstacles are "by the book"!). Just reading your description i could feel how determined the staff was so I can only imagine how the girl felt in the face of such a determined one-sided message! Its also great to hear that the mother has increased her presence in the girl's life. In short, thank you for updating us, its a nice way to start my morning :).
Have a lovely weekend and i hope the improvement continues!
michal